I have fallen back into depression..
Demons from my past are back to haunt me..

I try to use art as a healthy outlet..
But it's hard to stay sane..

I know a girl.
She's 16 years old.
She's shy and quiet.
And really skinny.
Still she thinks she's fat.
She pushes her finger deep into her belly, trying to show me how much fat there is.
She tells me that she's fat and ugly.
But I see a beautiful, yet extremely thin, teenage girl.

At the moment she's dating a guy who tries to get into her pants.
He's 23 years old.
Her ex-boyfriend threatened her after they broke up.
Fortunately he's been taken care of (with the help from her schoolteacher).
It just makes me think she isn't picking the best guys..

She reminds me of the teenage-me.
I think she's making the same mistakes I did.
I try to help, but she doesn't listen.
People tried to help me, but I didn't listen.
Teenage girls just don't listen.
They have to make their own mistakes and learn from them.

Meanwhile talking to her makes me sad.
Reminds me of all the mistakes I made.
Makes me feel vulnerable and insecure again.
Reminds me of the pain.
Making me hate myself all over again.

Since I can't help her, I think it's best to keep some distance.
I'll listen when she needs someone to talk to, but I won't get too involved.
I have to put myself first.
I can't let her problems drag me down too...

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Just now this girl came to see me with the following question:
'You can't get pregnant the first 2 times right?'
That's what the 23-year-old guy told her. I'm not sure if he's just ignorant or deliberately messing with her.. but I think it's the first. It just amazes me that people don't know stuff like that. Even a 16-year-old girl should know stuff like that, it's important! They get sex-education in primary AND secondary school, right? How can you not know?!

I have been neglecting this account..
Reason is that I don't write much anymore. Most of the stuff I have uploaded is from years ago. From times when I was dealing with depression.
I have a pretty happy life now, so I don't like to remind myself of the past.

Yet sometimes I check this account. I'm happy to see some people like the stuff I wrote in the past. So thanks to everyone that took the time to read them!

At the moment I'm working on a new piece (yet with a subject from my past, so it's not a happy piece).
I do still enjoy writing, but I just don't get much work done.

Anyway, I just wanted to explain why this account may seem a bit "abandoned", but I'm still out here. This account will stay and exist on the background; just like the memories are in the background of my life.

In primary school my teachers always said: "You're going to be a writer!"
I often won writing-contests because they thought I had a great imagination.

Now that I'm older I guess I lost a lot of that imagination.. but I still enjoy writing a lot. And I hope some day I can finish the book I started writing about 10 years ago..

I'll upload some of my old stories, but I hope I'll get the time to write some new stories too.